Living with and Learning from Conflict

Living with and Learning from Conflict

There are so many examples I can give about what I am now going to say. Through examples, we can argue, make a point, build a theory, deepen our understanding about ourselves, about those around us, and about the universe in which we live.

Just the other day, our maid servant left us without any warning. I guess she was not looking forward to it any longer. The arrival of our daughter meant the extra workload in terms of washing nappies, more vessels, more cleaning and more odd jobs in and around the house. Silently, she took her salary for the month and left, and all our efforts to contact her came to nought. The womenfolk in the house felt snubbed. ‘How could she do this? How arrogant she must be! How much have we given her all these years!’

My wife and mother-in-law and sister-in-law desperately looked around. I was worried for my wife and daughter. Stress levels mounted for a while. Sure enough, within a week, a few women came by. They were all tough negotiators, and they knew what they were looking for. ‘Too much work’ they all grumbled. ‘The house on the first floor is too big’, one of them said. We continued to pay them on a day to day basis, hoping that one of them would settle in. The womenfolk were anyway unhappy with the quality of their work. I tried consoling my wife with ‘You first need to relate with them and tell them what you expect. It will take sometime for them to understand.’

A young woman in her twenties, who was thrown out by her husband for an unwanted pregnancy, came in one day. I did not get to see her, as I was out on some meeting when she came in. My wife was pretty pleased even as she complained. ‘She does her work well, but she stayed for three hours, washing and scrubbing!’ The other thing that irritated my wife, mother-in-law and my son was that this woman had brought in with her, her three year old daughter who wouldn’t sit in one place and went around touching everyone and everything. But they were quite sure that the little kid would not come along everyday.

The next day, my son told me as a matter of fact: ‘You should tell her not to bring her daughter to our house.’ I was curious to learn his reason. ‘She came and touched me.’ I reacted immediately. ‘So? Is she not a kid, like you? You can play with her.’

The earliest years of a child’s life last a lifetime, it is often said. How true! Our children watch us, and size us up everyday. They think about everything we say, and they learn even more from everything that we do. Pretty soon, they are able to see through what we say and what we end up doing. Values are formed, opinions are made, and beliefs are set. These will often last a lifetime, and they will often escape scrutiny. In our middle class homes, and in the closed and rigid schools that our children attend, there are very few opportunities or children to question what they are taught. Schooling, in many ways, mirrors who we are and how we live. It reproduces family and societal norms, values, beliefs, upbringing and so on, often without critical exploration and assessment. Pretty soon, children actually stop asking questions because the adults are either inept at answering them, or do not want to answer them. Children then learn to live with authority. They learn to ignore or bury deep within themselves the many questions that keep popping up in their minds about the way they live, eat, play, relate with others, and grow.

I can give many more examples. We can each make our personal lists! Each example, I’m sure, will illustrate how our worldviews, biases and prejudices operate in our daily lives. Each of these examples, I’m sure, can be traced back to childhood experiences and how these experiences have shaped each one of us. However, the underlying point for discussion is how we as parents and teachers can help children imbibe those values that will make them recognize and respect diversity even as they recognize sameness. By diversity, I not only mean colour, religion, language, location etc – diversity, in my opinion, also encompasses the problems of poverty, the problems that give rise to the haves and have nots, the problem of access to resources and so on – in short, understanding diversity means understanding all about who we are, where we came from, and why we are that way. As parents and teachers, we indeed have a tall order in making children understand the complexities and contradictions of our lives. For this to happen, we need to first start moving out of our comfort zones. We need to prepare ourselves to examine these complexities and contradictions.

Naturally, I worry about all these things as a parent. I worry when my son doesn’t want to touch another child just because an adult voice of authority asks him not to. I worry when he gets exposed to the many mind numbing saas-bahu serials where men and women are busy plotting each other’s downfall. I worry when he has to follow ludicrous rules about dirt and contamination everyday. I worry when he is told not to ask his teacher questions. I worry…but I also want to act.

Often, I find myself arguing with the other adults around me. Often, these arguments take on a violent turn. Sometimes, I get reprimanded if I break rules. Sometimes, there is space for dialogue. This is when my hopes soar, and my determination is regained. Very often, all of this is played out in front of my son. He often gets to see diametrically opposite views and actions that emanate from those views. Will this lead to confusion for him? Will this close his mind, numb him and put him in a shell, a comfort zone? Only time will tell. I don’t think confusion can be avoided. It will inevitably come. Patiently, if I can help him develop the ability to examine events and actions around him, and the ability to decide his positions and beliefs, I will have played my role as parent. Answers will not come easily. But it is the ability to examine conflict in and around us, and grapple with it, which can be said to be one of the chief tasks of education, in school or outside it. After all, it is not so much an issue about taking a moral or intellectual high ground – it is all about finding meaning and charting our own paths, without bowing to authority.

Giri
24 June 2007

Kargil

This is what we feel about our education...echoes from Kargil

These days, I keep visiting one of the remotest mountainous districts of this country. Thanks to the Autonomous Hill Development Council of Kargil district which has invited me to help them develop an educational strategy for the entire district, I have visited Kargil three times since January this year. As part of this work, I came into contact during my March visit with a group of young men and women who shared their experiences of getting educated in the schools of Kargil. They talked about what they liked about their schooling, and what they wished was different. It makes interesting reading and leaves us with several questions…

“First, let us tell the nice things. We liked the co-educational system which was good. It helps you mix freely with members of the opposite sex. This should happen from the beginning itself. We had good friends; we played a lot of games together and the company of friends was good. The school was close to our houses. Our school had lots of activities and games – in the classroom also they had lots of activities. There was discipline – the teachers and children were punctual; school cleanliness was maintained well. We had a good library. We enjoyed the school picnics we had now and then!

Some of the schools we studied in had a few experienced/senior teachers – they were good, and they taught us well. Some teachers often punished us, but also explained why they did so. Though we did not like it then, we realize now that it was useful. May be all that beating and punishment is sometimes useful! We feel that local teachers are much better than the ones who come from far away, often outside the district. These non-local teachers are not sensitive.

Some of us had supportive parents, who guided us. They were always vigilant about our activities in and outside school. You know, our communities are also powerful. They have sometimes brought in capable teachers, and got those transferred who were not teaching well.

Now, listen to the not so nice things. To begin with, we would like to state that we were given an aimless education that led us nowhere. We were often told that good marks would lead to good jobs. But is education only about getting good jobs? Not everybody gets good jobs anyway!

We did not know why we were made to study the various subjects. What is the reward for studying the various subjects? We were not told this, and we did not have a clue.
May be, we need to have a positive outlook. Then things will change. You know, everyone wants to do good. Maybe the methods that are used are not appropriate, like the beating of children. Maybe the focus on exams should go. Maybe rote methods and memorization should go…

Most of our schools did not have a library. The school surroundings were often not kept clean. We did not have extra curricular activities for us to express our talents, feelings, ideas, thoughts. Most often, our schools did not have benches for us to sit on. We would sit on long, narrow mats, one behind the other. Our schools did not also have a proper playground – whatever space was available, was very small for all of us to play and enjoy. Our schools did not have any lab facilities; we were only ‘told’ the theory. On few occasions we got to see some experiments and then we realized how nice it would be to always experiment and learn!

Our teachers were not disciplined, and they were not punctual. They would often abuse us verbally and beat us. Often, they did not wear clean clothes themselves. We found that there was no unity among teachers – they did not think well of each other sometimes. You know, they lacked the ability to teach us well. Our teachers lacked the experience to teach us well.

Did we play too much in school? We now wonder! Our teachers did not insist that we should study. We realized what we had lost, much later…

We should have been given more tests and exams by our teachers – this would have helped in monitoring our learning and our progress. Teachers who were not locals were not sensitive towards us – they were also partial in their attitude towards some children. Often they were not serious…the other problem was that we did not understand the language used by teachers who were not local – they also did not understand our language. Thus, we could not relate with them, and they, with us. Beating/physical punishment was common – teachers often used ‘innovative’ techniques to punish us! Some images will not go away, like the teacher shoving in our mouths a ball of paper and then beating us hard; being kicked hard by the teachers was common…

Teachers also treated the so called ‘weak’ and ‘strong’ or ‘intelligent’ children very differently – the weak children would often be asked to sit at the back. Often, such children even left school, unable to bear the humiliation. Many teachers engaged in tuition after school hours. If we did not attend these tuition classes, teachers would deliberately mark us less in the tests and exams, even if we did well. Rote methods and memorization were mainly followed by our teachers – the focus was entirely on doing well in the exams, and guides were freely used for this preparation. Teachers would get us to do things like dishwashing. Often, we ran errands for them, by bringing their children from other schools where they studied. We also brought firewood to keep the teacher’s room warm, while our rooms were not even heated properly! This ate into our time and affected our learning.

Who monitors these teachers? Who asks them what they are doing?

Our parents too did not bother to ask what we were doing. They were not supportive either. As girl children, we found it that much more difficult to come to school – our parents had this misconception that girls should not get ‘Duniyavi Talim’ (modern education), though nowhere in Islam is it stated that girl children should not study or even travel outside their villages. Our parents, even if they knew the problem, did not speak out. In most cases, they do not even go to school to see what was happening. Parents who are not very poor can afford private schools…but should these schools be allowed to exist? Who will respond and listen to parents?

Some of us did not have good friends, and fell into bad company. Years later, we realize where things went wrong.”

Why we don't need a people's car

Suddenly, the ‘Special Economic Zone’ (SEZ) is the hot topic. Those who fight against the establishment of the SEZ call it the ‘Special Exploitation Zone’ -- rightly so. Governments plan to set them up in the hundreds all over the country, by ‘purchasing’ land that rightfully belongs to farmers and those who live on the margins. Sops are then offered to companies to set up industrial units that manufacture all kinds of things ranging from computers to cars. The argument is that the SEZs will catapult us on to the global stage as a big economic player. India’s economic stock, it is said, will go up. The GDP will go up, and wealth will accumulate, we are told. SEZs, it is promised, will generate jobs which we all so desperately need. Who will get these jobs, I wonder…where will the displaced go?

Not everyone is buying this story, which is why we have seen Nandigram and Singur happen in West Bengal. A few persons are able to detect this crap in our lives. Neil Postman, the American philosopher and education thinker, would be happy to meet some of these people. Of course, some of them are in it for political gains. They cultivate their vote banks. Didn’t Postman once famously say and write that the task of education should be ‘crap detection’ in our lives, in society? Whether (these crappy) schools manage to help children do this crap detection or not is another story. We will write that story another day.

More Nandigrams and Singurs are waiting to happen. The government and the companies have retreated for the time being, but they will be back for sure, with innovative ideas and doublespeak on SEZ’s.

Quite a bit has been written about the SEZ in the print media and we have been witness to heated discussions on the boob tube. I do not have anything to add to that debate. I can only foresee some horrors unfolding if these SEZs have their way.

Only a few days back did I find out that the proposed SEZ at Singur was meant for a car manufacturing plant. The Tatas, one of the largest vehicle manufacturers in this country, plan to finally bring out the ‘people’s car’ which will cost only one lakh rupees. With a growing and aspiring middle class and with banks more than eager to shell out loans to even more eager consumers who want to show they have ‘arrived’, the Tatas are sitting on a gold mine. Much is therefore at stake in Singur.

I returned to my home town Bangalore this January after spending more than a decade outside the state. The other day, after relishing a mouth watering butter masala dosai in a restaurant off Margosa Road in Malleshwaram, I was walking back home. Remember the movie Matrix? Those mean, fast machines with their tentacles which killed every human in their path? Those scenes came back as I walked up the gentle slope of Margosa Road. Vehicles of all shape and sizes hurtled past. They came honking at you angrily. One had to watch out! Bangalore has never been like this. It was such a gentle, beautiful city. So much has changed. I felt small, like I had, when I set foot in Delhi in the winter of ’97. I couldn’t recognize this city and I didn’t think it recognized me. It seemed to be moving in a desperate hurry. The techies called it the Silicon Valley of India. ‘See, we too have developed?’

More vehicles, more smoke, less trees in this Silicon Valley. More buildings that were box like, with huge glass panes that reflected the sun on your face. They called them the malls, where you could find everything under one roof, from underwear to books to condoms. They also called them the software companies; they called them the call centres, multiplexes and several other things. The temples of modern India, eh? With three million vehicles on the roads of Bangalore, the metro had set foot in the city this year. Also there were more flyovers and ‘fly-unders’ now…this city had never been meant for this abuse.

Everyone needs everything, right? That’s their right, right? That is what the economists would argue. Human wants are limitless and they have to be simply met. The industry wallahs would swear by it. After all, they survive on this slogan. Ultimately, the so called fruits of development have to ‘trickle down’ to everyone. They haven’t despite so many decades of this development. But we must keep trying nevertheless. The one lakh car is just one example. Do we really need it? Despite owning a car, my answer would be ‘no.’ Just the other day my friend appeared to be disgusted with this position that according to her smacks of double standards. ‘Don’t they have a right to a better life? Who are you to stop them from owning that car? Don’t you have one?’ I can understand her righteous anger.

The problem I have is with this model of development. Can everyone have cars, refrigerators, air conditioners and the like? Can everyone have everything? I’m not proposing that a few should have everything on the other hand, which is the case right now. We often hear that the world’s 20% population consumes 80% of the world’s resources. There is therefore this problem of gross inequity in terms of access, distribution and consumption of resources. But can this be used as an argument that entitles all those right now poor people who, when they ‘arrive’, have the license to lead the lives of the current haves? I’m not sure. In the absence of any other model, there is the danger that the have nots may follow the same path. Will the haves be willing to reduce their consumption? It does not look as if that is going to happen.

Kancha Ilaiah, the professor of political science at Osmania University, Hyderabad, while arguing for the empowerment of the lower castes, said this in a lecture I attended many months ago in Mumbai: “You (the Brahmins and other upper castes) pissed on us from above for 3000 years. The time has now come for us to do it to you. Only then will you understand.” He was focusing on the atrocities and discrimination practiced by the upper castes for centuries. In many ways, he was talking about ‘payback’ time. Though he did not mention the environment, I am tempted to extend this argument to bring in that dimension. The position that Ilaiah takes may sound right from a human rights perspective (I’m not sure if the thinly veiled vendetta does, though), but from an environmental perspective, it runs on a collision course with the earth, whose resources are limited. So we need to find out different ways of living. How often has this statement been made! There has to be both inner and outer control over our actions. Yet, we continue to make the dangerous error of treating natural resources as capital. This should change. That is why we do not need the people’s car, all other arguments for it notwithstanding. May be communism is not such a bad idea, after all. But Nandigram and Singur are located in communist land, aren’t they?

Giri
5th June 2007